Modest Behavior

What IS Modesty? 

I think most women know that modest is more than just what you are wearing, it is how you act. Even being covered from head to toe does not ensure you act like a lady! 

Acting Like A Lady 

Do you behave modestly? I'm not talking about being humble, I'm talking about keeping the coquette side of you inside - or at least subdued. There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes that her charm is her great asset. Maybe she struggled with body size or shape, maybe the awkward years of braces and glasses scarred her - but suddenly one day she recognizes that a sweet smile, the biting of her lip and that oh so soft tone of voice can magically give her the upper hand in the battle of the sexes. 

That's where Scripture comes in. "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30) Ouch! I don't know about you but there have been plenty of times where that verse has stopped me in my tracks. "Flirtatiousness" is not one of the fruits of the spirit!

But what is flirting? What does deceptive charm look like? I would have to say it all goes back to intentions. In your heart of hearts, why are you titling your head, twisting your hair or mildly pouting? Is it to control and dominate the men in your path? To make you feel better about yourself? Is it selfish? If so, you are probably guilty of immodest behavior. 

I'll admit that some of the times I am the most guilty of flirting is when I am most modestly dressed. Why? There is always that sense when I am all covered up that I have lost the beauty war and that I am being overlooked by every man in the room. My solution? Act the way I wish I was dressed. Bad idea? Of course! It is just as bad, if not worse, for me to toy around with the guys around me as it is for me to clothe myself as eye-candy. Have you ever done the same thing? Just because outwardly I'm dressed like a lady, does not mean my mind is thinking like a lady, nor does it mean that my actions are lady-like.

Making it Practical 

So if you know that you are guilty of playing the coquette, here are some practical ways to watch that your actions match your clothing:

1. Position - Sit, stand and walk like a lady. Cross your legs, mind your skirt. Guys may not realize you are doing it on purpose, but every girl in the room knows you purposely left your skirt hiked up on your thigh. Stand with good posture, but never purposely stick out your chest or your booty. Women can strut, especially when in high heels, but don't do it - swaying your hips just doesn't equal modest behavior.

2. Facial Expression - This is my biggest trip - up. Puppy eyes, pouty lips, seductive innocence - you know what I'm talking about girls! It may momentarily get you your way, but its not a lady-like way to earn attention. Treat the guys around you with enough respect that you resist the urge to manipulate with your eyes. Be fun, be friendly, but don't fake the innocence - men know the difference between child-like heart and manipulative grace. 

3. Movement - A piggy-back to position, watch the way you move. Brushing your body past his "on accident", titling your head, stroking your legs - and of course the classic, "I'll bend over from the hips so he gets a good look at my butt" - are absolutely not on the modest behavior list. Its tempting, I know! But do not give in. You may get momentary attention, but its not worth it. 

In the end, don't let the thrill of captivating men's attention cause you to compromise your standards - no matter what the situation! I'll never forget a few weeks back when I left the house feeling absolutely stunning in a dress that I considered modestly elegant. I arrived at my destination to find another girl there looking not just stunning, but sensual in a form-fitting ensemble. As pathetic as it was, it brought me to tears as I stared in the mirror wishing I had chosen something more "playful." Looking back, however, I know the dress was the right choice for the occasion, even if I was not the one with all the attention. Thankfully, God gave me the strength not to be coy despite how overshadowed I felt. Modesty will not always get you the praise of the world, but your Father will look down and smile.