Tension of the Dance

One of the talented swing-dancers I know read my last post.

His comments inspired me to write a follow-up. He discussed how difficult it is to lead when a girl tries to anticipate his steps and moves too soon. There is necessary tension needed between the man and woman in swing. If she steps first, the tension is lost, and the dance immediately crumbles.

Continuing on the vein of comparing dance to relationships,  there is an interesting corollary. 

I can guarantee I have ruined the tension in my swing-dancing due to trying to anticipate my partner's next move. Sadly, I can also guarantee I have done the same in my relationships with the opposite sex. 

It is very easy to do! You get caught up in the moment and deep down you are terrified of what his next move will be and you step too far, too soon. In your mind everything is going perfectly, but suddenly you notice the relationship crumbling and you are left wondering, "What just happened?" 

We live in a day and age where women are encouraged to be forward and forceful - emotionally and physically. We are encouraged to dress a certain way to draw male attention and we are told to throw ourselves on men and be entirely emotionally cut off from them at the same time. 

The thought of carefully watching his movements and signs and delicately following is foreign to the 21st century woman. Instead of waiting for a text from a guy or expecting him to ask the girl out, girls are told to make the first move every time. 

Recently I have gotten advice such as: "Kiss him!" or "Tell him to take you on a date." followed by shocked expressions when I quietly explain that I do not want to be the initiator. 

Why is it such a big deal? Why should the guy lead?

Because tension in a relationship is a good thing.

Wait, what? I thought tension was bad! I thought everything should be fun and good and happy!

I'm not talking about anger or frustration. Tension. The same tension that allows the guy to pull you forward and spin you in swing-dance allows a man to direct the course of the relationship. What do I mean?

Think about a time when you were spending time with a guy and your feelings were unspoken. Maybe you both knew you liked each other, or maybe it was one-sided - regardless, do you remember how you felt? Perhaps a big awkward, likely very excited - there were butterflies and questions and you were waiting and wondering "What happens next!?"

That is tension. 

It is fun. It is exciting. It leaves you on the edge of your seat. It is what makes being a girl in swing-dancing so fun, and we should savor that in relationships as well. 

So next time you are horrible tempted to take that step. Stop. Wait. Anticipate. Let the butterflies flutter and your heart race and savor the excitement of the moment. 
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