Tension of the Dance

One of the talented swing-dancers I know read my last post.

His comments inspired me to write a follow-up. He discussed how difficult it is to lead when a girl tries to anticipate his steps and moves too soon. There is necessary tension needed between the man and woman in swing. If she steps first, the tension is lost, and the dance immediately crumbles.

Continuing on the vein of comparing dance to relationships,  there is an interesting corollary. 

I can guarantee I have ruined the tension in my swing-dancing due to trying to anticipate my partner's next move. Sadly, I can also guarantee I have done the same in my relationships with the opposite sex. 

It is very easy to do! You get caught up in the moment and deep down you are terrified of what his next move will be and you step too far, too soon. In your mind everything is going perfectly, but suddenly you notice the relationship crumbling and you are left wondering, "What just happened?" 

We live in a day and age where women are encouraged to be forward and forceful - emotionally and physically. We are encouraged to dress a certain way to draw male attention and we are told to throw ourselves on men and be entirely emotionally cut off from them at the same time. 

The thought of carefully watching his movements and signs and delicately following is foreign to the 21st century woman. Instead of waiting for a text from a guy or expecting him to ask the girl out, girls are told to make the first move every time. 

Recently I have gotten advice such as: "Kiss him!" or "Tell him to take you on a date." followed by shocked expressions when I quietly explain that I do not want to be the initiator. 

Why is it such a big deal? Why should the guy lead?

Because tension in a relationship is a good thing.

Wait, what? I thought tension was bad! I thought everything should be fun and good and happy!

I'm not talking about anger or frustration. Tension. The same tension that allows the guy to pull you forward and spin you in swing-dance allows a man to direct the course of the relationship. What do I mean?

Think about a time when you were spending time with a guy and your feelings were unspoken. Maybe you both knew you liked each other, or maybe it was one-sided - regardless, do you remember how you felt? Perhaps a big awkward, likely very excited - there were butterflies and questions and you were waiting and wondering "What happens next!?"

That is tension. 

It is fun. It is exciting. It leaves you on the edge of your seat. It is what makes being a girl in swing-dancing so fun, and we should savor that in relationships as well. 

So next time you are horrible tempted to take that step. Stop. Wait. Anticipate. Let the butterflies flutter and your heart race and savor the excitement of the moment. 
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The Dance

Swing Dancing.

Elegant Frank-Sinatra-era music floods the room as couples twist and turn among one another.

He pushes her forward and pulls her back. He lets her go and she twirls around, her skirt fluttering as her cheeks flush. He scoops her back up and steps off again. 

Have you ever watched a talented couple swing-dance? They are like one entity, flawlessly floating across the dance floor in perfect harmony. Eyes lock and bodies flow and one cannot deny true beauty in the moment. 

As I admire those couples who have spent countless hours practicing, I reflect on my own situation. As of a week ago I had never swing-danced in my life. I dressed up for a ball at my college and showed up entirely unsuspecting.  I had no idea what I was doing, but I was eager to give the dance a try. I quickly realized the key to dancing - let the man lead. 

In our day and age, those words are highly controversial."Let the man lead? Seriously? Have you not seen how independent women are! How dare you assume they need to be led!" you hear the voices of our culture scream. 

Try swing dancing with an independent woman.

I have to admit, not being in control is terrifying. Is he going to spin me? Turn me? Pretzel!? I thought that was food! What do you mean I'm entirely at his mercy?

However, as soon as a talented man pulled me out on the floor, I realized the beauty in his control. I do not have to contemplate my next move or worry where I am headed - he pulls me out of danger and surprises me with a whirl that catches my heart. I cannot help but giggle. 

Dare I say that today's young women should take the same approach to their relationships with men? 

Yes, I dare.

No man is a perfect lead. Sometimes their hints are not dramatic enough and so we end up twirling when they wanted to shift across the floor. Sometimes they trip on their feet or run out of ways to spice up the dance.

However, the more dances you spend together, the easier it becomes to read his movements. Suddenly the once jerky and awkward steps become fluid and graceful. Instead of two competing partners, you become one. 

That is how relationships should work.

Yes, men can be awkward. We as ladies do not always pick up on their hints. Sometimes they are too gentle with their lead and we are stuck wondering where to go - but there is excitement in the mystery. We wonder what will happen next and are kept on our toes.

He takes a step forward and we step back. We feel him move our bodies to the right and we follow. He lifts his hand and we twirl beneath him, meeting him face to face when our feet hit the ground again. He steps on our toes and we simply giggle. He loses the beat and stops us. We eagerly wait for him to find his place and let him start again while sweetly gazing in his eyes and reassuring him its okay to be imperfect.

The more we dance, the more confident he becomes. His lead is stronger and thus our job of following becomes increasingly easier. The number of mistakes dwindles, but the surprise never ceases. Even with all our anticipation, we cannot guess the outcome. The finished result is simply more beautiful. 

My challenge to you today, ladies, is to let him lead. Remember he is nervous too. Simply smile and reassure him. Tell him when you like what he's doing. Respond to his movements. Forgive his blunders. Watch the dance unfold. 

Classy College Chic

Classy College Chic.

Yoga pants. Sweat Shirts. Sneakers. 

The typical female American college student dons these ever-popular clothing items after rolling out of bed and heads to class in a daze.

It does not have to be this way.

Over the next few weeks I am beginning a series of ways to dress for less and for success. The series will have a daily picture of great ways to look classy (pun entirely intended) and revolutionize your campus.

Worried you will be the only one looking sharp? Dare to be different! Ladylike elegance is never shameful.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1 

Cuddling up with hot chocolate for an in-dorm movie night warrants sweatpants. However, they say if you look good, you preform better. I don't know about you but I could use all the help I can get with college grades. 

Tune in for some great ensembles fit for Audrey Hepburn herself.